We’ve all heard that running a business will come with its ups and downs, and that there will be very high highs and very low lows. But one thing I don’t think I anticipated as much as I should have is how much this rollercoaster would affect me mentally, and not just the business. I knew that the business would likely experience a wide spectrum of positives and negatives at some point, but I didn’t realize that it could also be so personal.

The last few weeks have been exactly that. They’ve included a hit to the ego and a punch in the gut, they’ve been mildly depressing and incredibly restless, but they’ve also included one of the best couple days of the year so far. 

Quick breakdown of the last four weeks:

Week 1: I made a tough call to end things with a girl I had been seeing for a short while. Not a total heartbreaker but still not fun. Unfortunately, I’ve got bigger things on my plate at the moment that need the time I was trying to give her.

Week 2: I reviewed a proposal with a client that was going to be my largest contract, and the one that would finally put me in a decent spot financially, so I had been looking forward to this one for a while. It was going to pay $9,000 over six months, and $4.5k immediately. She decided to go with another agency… ouch. This wasn’t a gut punch – it was more like a kick in the nuts by a freaking NFL punter. And the worst part about this was that I wanted to quote her less, but a friend who’s been working with me as a business coach talked me into going higher. Now, I have full faith in all of the advice he’s given me including this one, but I wasn’t ready to lose a contract like that so soon, not when I can’t even put food on the table, literally. And I couldn’t help but think “what if I went lower?”

Week 3: At this point I felt like not much had been going right recently – nothing to counter the shit, at least. On top of it, we’re going on three weeks with no exercise. None. And with what my training regimen has been the last 24 months for triathlon, even going 3 days was virtually unheard of. I certainly wouldn’t say I’m addicted to working out, but by now I’m starting to feel as though I’m going through what I imagine withdrawals of the mood swing type would feel like, but was also lacking the motivation to go out and do something about it, which has got to be the stupidest kind of addiction, if there is such a thing.

It’s also been six weeks since I’ve been able to eat well regularly. Not only can I not afford to eat out, but I can’t even afford to eat in. I’m working 12 hours each day and still can’t afford to survive. Hell, can’t even look forward to a good meal. Most of you (because only my friends are reading this at this point) know, how much food means to me. This might be worse than not exercising. Not being able to eat like I should has been depressing, and it’s probably a good thing I haven’t been training otherwise it’d be even worse.

Now, let me stop being so depressing for the rest of this post and clear some things up. I CHOSE THIS. I wasn’t fired from my last job – I quit to do this. I haven’t been turned down from other opportunities – I haven’t applied to any because I’m choosing to keep this up. But does that mean every day is fun? Hell to-the-freaking no. But, luckily, this month got better…

Week 4 (this week): Wednesday I had a scheduled call with a brewery that I had been meeting with over the last two months to hear their decision on my proposal to them. It was going to be tied for my largest contract to date, and a big first step into an industry I’ve wanted to pursue for a while. THEY SAID YES! The next day? Another brewery I’ve been talking to for a while ALSO SAID YES! A much smaller contract but an incredibly special company that I was stoked to land. TWO IN BACK TO BACK DAYS! *Screams in the car. Does happy dance. Rips shots*. And to top it all off, my triathlon team’s training for the 2020 season officially started back up so I was finally back in the gym yesterday and running today, getting that LONG overdue endorphin fix that I’ve been missing. In the famous words of Ice Cube, “Today was a good day.”

The former of those two deals officially marks the first time that my company is able to pay me enough that I can actually live, and I was able to pay off a bit (just a hair, but still) of my credit card balance, instead of continuing to go further in the hole and approach my max limit on yet another credit card. It’s the biggest milestone I’ve hit to date, and the first time that I can actually lift my head above this pool of debt and uncertainty, and take a breath. More importantly, it’s the first time that I have proof that it’s all going to work out. I’ve remained confident through the first seven months of my company, but there are certainly some rough days when doubt creeps in.

Seven months in this company and this is already one of the harder things I’ve done. But similar to training 12 months for an Ironman, you quickly remember why you put yourself through the grinder when you cross that finish line or land a big account you’ve been working on for a while.

I try to remind myself that it takes just one success – one connection, client, strong race, new friendship, anything – to quickly make you forget about all the rough shit, and completely turn your outlook around.

Remember that next time you’re going through a consistent string of kicks in the nuts. It’ll get better – just remember why you started. ✌️